Welcome to Part III of my personal branding blog! In Part I, we examined your on-line presence, and in Part II, we began our journey into your in-person presence, starting with your physical appearance. And now we’re going to round out our discussion of your personal, in-the-flesh persona by talking about how you sound and how you act—two very important components of your “you-ness” that speak volumes about your professional abilities, character, maturity level, and, believe it or not, your likability.
Since you’ll find lots of generic articles on communication topics, I’m going to cover a few less-than-obvious tips that I believe are vital to your professional image. Let’s get started.
How you sound—Your Voice and Your Words
No matter whether you’re a man or a woman, it’s important to use the lower registers of your voice. Almost anyone can benefit from this tip—even people who are in professional speaking positions. When you “go high,” as in that voice you use when you’re excited or surprised (“Look at all those cute puppies!!”), you lose all your power. You don’t sound as if you’re in control. Most people’s authentic, “natural” voices are a full half-octave lower than the voice they’re currently using. And if you’re not sure what I mean (or if you’re not sure how to get down there without sounding like a really bad, amateurish Shakespearian actor), I recommend contacting a voice coach. In one short lesson, you can learn how to modulate your voice into a lower register without sounding forced or fake.
I also like to encourage people to study newscasters. They’re professionally trained to “stay low.” If you think about it, you never hear a newscaster screech out a story, even if it’s an exciting one. They sound powerful, knowledgeable, and self-assured. Use them as models, and emulate their style.
Next, do your best to eliminate what are called “fillers,” or “verbal crutches.” They’re the sounds or words you use when you’re considering what to say, such as “umm,” “uhh,” “ya know,” and “okaaay.” Everyone – even a professional speaker – needs to stop and think every now and then, but resist the urge to “fill the air” while you’re pondering. You’ll sound far more powerful if you simply allow yourself to be silent for a quick moment, think of what you want to say, and then continue speaking.
And finally, speak in paragraphs. In other words, break your entire message into smaller segments, and then deliver the “bite-sized” portions, one at a time, pausing between the “thought elements,” allowing others to absorb what you’re saying (and to possibly respond), and then continuing. It’s very exhausting for your listeners to hear one run-on thought after another, delivered without a break, and in random order. Plus, it makes you sound muddled and unprepared. Do your listeners a favor and organize your thoughts before you speak—you’ll sound far more powerful and in control, and they’ll appreciate you for your efforts.
How You Act: Your Body Language
Never underestimate the importance of body language. Many of us know to pay close attention to the words we choose, but we pay little or no attention to how we’re delivering our messages. However, studies show that if subjects are given the choice between what they hear (words and voice tone) and what they see (body language) when being sent a “mixed message,” they go with the visual component 100% of the time. Translated, when we’re communicating with others, how we look (i.e., our body language) is probably more important than our words, if we intend to be understood. Here are a few useful tips for coming across assertively, confidently, and likably:
- Perfect your handshake. There’s almost limitless research on first impressions, and you already know what the conclusions are, intuitively: first impressions do count (a whole lot!), and once you’ve made one, for better or for worse, it’ll be almost impossible to alter it. So it’s vitally important that you do all you can to make a positive first impression right off the bat, and the best way is with a good, natural-appearing, assertive handshake. Handshaking is actually a complex skill that involves a lot of moving parts, but in a nutshell, here’s how you do it: you walk toward the other person, smile, extend your right hand, grasp the other person’s right hand firmly (but gently) in yours, and you “pump” your arm up and down (one to three times is the norm), while smiling, making direct eye contact, saying your name, and adding a brief pleasantry. (“Hello, I’m Marissa Whitefield. It’s nice to meet you.”) And this is one of those skills where practice makes perfect – so do some serious handshake practicing with your mom, your friends, or your roommates, and you’ll get the hang of it.
- Polish up your smile. It’s one of your most important in-person assets. There’s a ton of research on this topic. When you smile, a cascade of wonderful chemical fireworks goes off in your brain and your body. Three types of neurotransmitters, specifically called endorphins, dopamine, and serotonin, are released when your facial muscles position themselves into a smile – all of which will make you feel happier, more confident, and better able to handle stress. Here’s a somewhat playful study from the University of Missouri Kansas City that might tickle your fancy and make you smile: researchers found that smiling makes you look younger and thinner! (Not sure how that works, but I’ll take it.) Still another study revealed that smiling people appear more attractive, approachable (you might’ve guessed those two, but wait for the punch line) – and intelligent. And a recent Swedish study showed that it’s almost physically impossible for people to look at a smiling person and not smile themselves. (It’s basically a biological instinct to mimic the expressions we see on another people’s faces—it’s our way of physically experiencing empathy for our fellow humans.) So smiling is quite literally contagious, and if you smile at another person, they will almost certainly smile back!
- Make assertive eye contact. It’s very important to look someone directly in the eyes when you’re interacting with them. There are actually two times when it’s essential: when you’re giving instructions, and when you’re sharing information. But even in general, in order for the other person to feel as if you’re really connecting with them, you must make eye contact. By doing so, you’re showing that you’re “present” in the conversation, you’re interested in what they’re saying, you’re confident about yourself, and you’re an open, friendly person. And now that I’ve mentioned the word “friendly,” it’s also important to break eye contact, just a tiny bit, as you’re talking to someone, or you’ll look intimidating and aggressive. So ideal, assertive eye contact involves looking directly at the person (mostly) and breaking eye contact (just a little). You’ll be much more likable if you appear to be engaged.
- Place your hands at your sides (or on your lap, if sitting), shoulders back. Good posture counts for a lot! Studies show that people with good posture are seen as more successful, harder working, and more reliable—all desirable traits if you want to come across professionally. If your arms are relaxed at your sides, rather than folded over your chest, you look open and non-judgmental, ready to receive the other person wholeheartedly. And putting your shoulders back signals that you’re comfortable with yourself, able to “own your own space,” assertive, and unafraid.
So in conclusion, sit (or stand) up straight, shake hands like a pro, make direct eye contact, and create a facial expression that says you’re friendly and interested in your environment.
Well, there you have it! So now, you’re totally prepared to go out into the world (both the cyber world and the real world) and shine like the amazing person that you are! Your net presence is going to look polished and professional, and your in-person presence will wow ‘em even more.
And as usual, please send me your comments, questions, and suggestions for future topics at denisemdudley.com. I love hearing from my readers!
Well, there you have it! So now, you’re totally prepared to go out into the world (both the cyber world and the real world) and shine like the amazing person that you are! Your net presence is going to look polished and professional, and your in-person presence will wow ‘em even more.
And as usual, please send me your comments, questions, and suggestions for future topics at denisemdudley.com. I love hearing from my readers!