No matter how hard you work to gain respect at your workplace, if you don’t have influential body language, you’re likely to send a weak (or maybe even confusing) message, possibly throwing all your hard work right out the window. In face-to-face communication, one famous research study showed that your words account for only 7% percent of your interaction—38% is in your tone of voice, and 55% is in your non-verbal cues, or body language.
(Just so you know, I’m quoting a study that has yet to be replicated, and I always do my best to quote only studies that are clinically and statistically verifiable. However, I do believe that the takeaway message from this study is a valid one: numbers aside, your body language counts for a lot in your communication!)
To help you succeed at work, I’ve put together seven influential body language tips you can use to interact with co-workers, employees, bosses, or customers and clients. I’ll admit that they might take a little bit of practice to master, but I believe you’ll see positive results from the moment you tackle any one of these suggestions.
Here are seven power-producing body language techniques:
1. Watch your face
Facial expressions speak louder than words. Anyone who suffers from “RBF” can tell you that, and can probably share some interesting stories about being totally misread and misunderstood. (“Resting B*tch Face” is a real thing—here’s a link to an article from CNN: https://www.cnn.com/2016/02/03/health/resting-bitch-face-research-irpt/index.html) If you’re engaged in a positive, successful conversation, but your facial expression says you’re bored, angry, confused, or anything other than participatory and interested, it’s noticeable and off-putting. So instead, make sure your face expresses your sincere interest in the other person (or people) and what they have to say. Direct eye contact, coupled with occasional, subtle head nodding and a slight smile all facilitate communication with others.
Not sure about all this? Practice in the mirror! You’ll get the feel of an open, welcoming facial expression in no time.
2. Stride confidently through the office
Have you ever known that one of your colleagues was advancing toward your office or cubicle, simply because you could recognize the sound of their walk? Spoiler alert: this isn’t a good thing! It means they were probably either shuffling or stomping, neither of which makes for an impressive approach. Your goal is to walk confidently, assertively, and quietly. How? For starters, pick up your feet when you walk. Wear comfortable, well-fitting shoes. And if you choose to wear high heels (I don’t recommend them, and podiatrists across the country will back me up on this), make sure you know how to walk without wobbling at the ankles, wincing from pain (I’ve seen it!), or looking as if you might fall. Furthermore, stand tall when you walk, with your hands swinging gently at your sides.
Not sure about what your walk looks like to others? Head for that mirror again. You might feel silly, walking back and forth, but it’s the perfect way to hone your professional stride.
3. Look them in the eye
I’ve already briefly mentioned eye contact in relation to facial expression, but eye contact is so important that I’m going to spend a little more time on it. Maintaining eye contact when you’re speaking to another person makes you appear more trustworthy, assertive, and, believe it or not, likable. (Lots of studies verify this—just google “eye contact” and you’ll see.) Eye contact also encourages the other person to stay involved in your conversation, so when you’re speaking with someone, pay careful attention to what your eyes are doing. Basically, look the other person directly in the eyes, but it’s also important not to appear as if you’ve just engaged them in a staring contest! So how do you find the perfect balance between zero eye contact and creepy leering? First of all, slowly, almost imperceptibly, shift your gaze back and forth, from one eye to the other, in a way that the person you’re talking to doesn’t notice. Secondly, you must look away occasionally—in other words, you must break eye contact every now and then. In my classes, I always describe it like this: look the other person in the eye mostly, and then look away, just a tiny bit. You should spend 98% of your time looking directly in the other person’s eyes, and 2% looking away. And where should you look? Anywhere that feels natural and comfortable, but most people look away slightly upward and to the left or the right of the other person’s face.
4. Get a grip
A good assertive handshake knows no gender, because in 2020, we judge women by their handshakes just as much as men—as it should be.
Here’s what you don’t want to do:
The “dead fish” handshake: You already know this one, without my having to describe it. It’s wimpy and weak, and frankly, it says exactly the same thing about its “owner.”
The “bone crusher” handshake: If you’re on the receiving end, this one feels like your hand is in a vice grip, and you can’t wait to extricate your poor fingers and shake the pain away!
Instead, just like with Goldilocks and the three bowls of porridge, you want your handshake to be “just right.” A great handshake is firm, but not too tight. Handshakes should last between two and five seconds and should include from one to three “pumps” of your arm, and don’t forget to simultaneously engage in direct eye contact, coupled with a warm facial expression. (Bonus tip: if you’re meeting someone for the first time, be sure to repeat their name so you don’t forget it.)
5. Remember what Mom told you about sitting (or standing) up straight
When you’re interacting with other people, whether seated or standing, and whether individually or in a group setting, keep the crown of your head straight up, and your shoulders squared and relaxed. Slouching sends all sorts of damaging messages (laziness and testiness included), and a lowered head gives the impression that you’re not telling the truth, you’re embarrassed, or you’re detached. Instead, keep your body upright and your shoulders back to show you are actively listening, engaged, interested, and have confidence in yourself.
6. Don’t be cross
Crossed arms, crossed legs…don’t do it. Crossing your limbs—especially folding your arms directly across your chest—makes you appear “closed” and unreceptive. I realize that you might simply be feeling chilly, but go add an extra layer of clothing instead! Keep your arms at your sides, your feet on the floor (when seated), and use open body language when you’re engaging with others. Keep your shoulders back and your body turned toward the person you’re talking to, and expose your torso. Just like in the animal world, “showing your belly” (ahem—not literally!) implies friendly openness, and a willingness to communicate
7. Stop fidgeting!
Experts agree that playing with your hair, adjusting your clothing, jingling the keys in your pocket, picking at your nails, or messing around with your jewelry shows that you are distracted, self-conscious, nervous, over-caffeinated, or embarrassed about your appearance. Ditto for the overuse of hand gestures while you’re speaking—hand gestures are meant to support and reinforce your verbal message, but fluttery, exaggerated hand gestures will distract your listener(s) and diminish your credibility. Instead, do your best to keep your hands at your sides while standing or walking, or folded in your lap (or resting on a tabletop or chair arm) while seated.
Do you have a question you’d like for me to answer, or a topic you’d like for me to cover in a future blog? Just say the word—I’m all ears! Send me your suggestions (and let me know whether you’d like for me to mention you by name when I write the article—it’s OK to be anonymous!), and I’ll be happy to tackle whatever’s on your mind. See you next time!